I wrote this post back in July, when I was almost five weeks’s pregnant, and just starting to accept that this little baby might be here to stay! Now that I’ve made the official announcement, I’m finally publishing it!
The best laid plans, eh? For the past few weeks, I’ve been on a serious health kick. I’ve been eating well, and exercising. If I’m perfectly honest, I’ve been picking up the pieces after letting myself fall apart a little bit in the last couple of months.
Back in April, I had an early miscarriage. It happened just two days after I found out I was pregnant. I’d be lying if I said I was devastated. I wasn’t. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I was working hard to convince myself that it would stick. But deep down I knew it wouldn’t. For a start, I hadn’t had an implantation bleed, which I had had twice before – once when I got pregnant on Little Man and the time before that when I got pregnant and then miscarried at 5.5 weeks.
I also knew my symptoms were wrong. It’s hard to describe but both times when I’ve miscarried I’ve felt wrong. Crampy and headachey. Just not right. So although I’d hoped it wouldn’t happen, it wasn’t a surprise to me when I started bleeding two days after my positive test this time around.
When I miscarried before, I fell apart within a week or so. And I grieved pretty much right up until we had the scan with Little Man and saw that everything was okay with the new pregnancy. With this miscarriage, I think I tried to bully myself into being pragmatic about it and just getting on with things. Except the only person I really fooled was myself. I wasn’t actually getting on with things. I was sitting on the couch, moping, and stuffing my face. For personal reasons, it didn’t suit to get pregnant again straight away, and I obviously thought I could comfort-eat my way through the intervening weeks until we could try again.
My wake up call came when people started asking was I pregnant. I wasn’t. I’d just put on close to 15lbs in about 8 weeks. Determined to do something about it, I started on the 30 Day Shred and made a few eating-habit changes in an effort to get healthy again. And it was working. I couldn’t believe how quickly I could see and feel results. Over 7lbs gone within 2-3 weeks. And I felt great. Charlie and I decided to postpone our attempts to try to conceive for a couple of months so that we could continue with this exercise regime and get healthy beforehand.
But like I said – the best laid plans, eh? Towards the end of the third week, I noticed some mild spotting. Implantation bleeding. No it couldn’t be, I told myself. We were careful. We missed “the window”. Hadn’t we?
I kept going with the 30 Day Shred and decided to ignore the spotting, and pretend it was just that. It couldn’t possibly be implantation bleeding, right? Right?
Find my complete Pregnancy Journal here.
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- Pregnancy: Week 4 | Mama.ie - [...] few days passed after I noticed the implantation bleeding, I managed to convince myself that I had imagined it. …