The loneliest decision
I’ve been reminiscing a lot about this time last year. And of course one of the main things I’ve been remembering is learning how to breastfeed. You know, when you become a parent, you find out that you were naive about a lot of things. Things you thought you knew, you learn you didn’t have a clue about them.
For me, breast-feeding was the steepest learning curve of all after Little Man was born. You have to understand that I am one of those people who researches everything to death. When I found out I was pregnant, I knew exactly what was happening at each stage of pregnancy. My birth plan covered all eventualities. I studied labour in all its glory for the duration of my pregnancy.
And I thought I had the post-birth stuff covered too. I had my What to expect in the first year book, and my Gina Ford Contented Little Baby book, and my Baby Whisperer book. Oh and the Dr Harvey Karp Happiest Baby DVD. I was sure I had learned all I needed to know.
But I missed something big. I never learned anything about breastfeeding. I just assumed it would be easy and it would come naturally. After all I was planning a drug free birth, and all the birth stories I read involved the baby latching on immediately after birth and the feeding going great after that. So it was a real shock to my system when that didn’t happen for me and Little Man. First he wouldn’t latch on. And then when he did latch on it hurt. By the time he was four weeks old, I was at a real low point. I wanted to breastfeed, but I honestly didn’t know if I could continue. I sought help everywhere it was available – my mother, my local breast-feeding group, the local La Leche league support woman, kellymom.com, and I emailed the only friend I knew who had successfully breastfed.
As it turned out, by the time she replied I had found a solution that worked for me and allowed me to continue breastfeeding. But a line in her email has always stuck with me. She said that the decision whether or not to continue breastfeeding can be the loneliest you’ll ever make, no matter what support you have around you. I had support in all corners. My husband was totally supportive of breastfeeding. The local boobie group is fantastic. But I know that week, the decision of whether or not to continue was all mine. Now a year on with the benefit of hindsight I am so glad I continued. Its easy looking back to see how it all got easier week after week from that point on. But at that point, in the midst of the difficulties it was impossible to see how it would ever improve. In the end, it was pure stubbornness that got me through. And I’m so glad now, because breastfeeding is one of the experiences with Little Man that I look back on with the most fondness.
I thought the same, had researched everything on every eventuality (or so I thought!) When it came to breastfeeding I wish I had watched a few videos or something. The whole latching business was impossible for the first few weeks.
Tell me about it! I actually gave up at one point and pumped for several days straight because I couldn’t cope with trying one more latch.
Really glad it worked out for you – I never had latch problems, but my first little one fed all night every night and had wind/colic. It was really really tough to feed her and I went and bought a tin of formula at around 6 weeks (when everyone said it would get easier and it didn’t). I persevered and got through it, and I remember that feeling (of me needing to decide what to do and making a decision). The formula stayed where it was – in the tin. She didn’t sleep though the night til she was 3 and a half in the end – so much for 6 week mark!!!) But I was really glad I persevered!
I actually found the six week mark really hard. So many people had been talking about the magical six week mark, that I think I was imagining I’d wake up the morning he turned six weeks old and everything would suddenly be easy – of course it wasn’t! It was another two or three weeks before we turned a corner and everything seemed to fall into place. For us that included one formula feed a day – it really helped to get us through.
Really glad it worked out for you – I never had latch problems, but my first little one fed all night every night and had wind/colic. It was really really tough to feed her and I went and bought a tin of formula at around 6 weeks (when everyone said it would get easier and it didn’t). I persevered and got through it, and I remember that feeling (of me needing to decide what to do and making a decision). The formula stayed where it was – in the tin. She didn’t sleep though the night til she was 3 and a half in the end – so much for 6 week mark!!!) But I was really glad I persevered!
I actually found the six week mark really hard. So many people had been talking about the magical six week mark, that I think I was imagining I’d wake up the morning he turned six weeks old and everything would suddenly be easy – of course it wasn’t! It was another two or three weeks before we turned a corner and everything seemed to fall into place. For us that included one formula feed a day – it really helped to get us through.