Push Presents: What do they mean to you?

Have you heard of a “Push Present”? It’s the name given to a present given by a new father to a new mother after she gives birth to their first child. They’re causing quite a stir in the “blogosphere” in the US at the moment, following the news story about Rachel Zoe receiving a 10 carat diamond ring as a push present. Some women are adamant that they are entitled to an expensive gift in recognition of all they have been through and all they have done to produce this child for their husband or partner. Others find the idea distasteful – just another example of growing consumerism – and they criticise those who want push presents, saying that their baby should be push present enough.

Those who feel entitled to the gift say that an expensive present is the most appropriate way for their significant other to show his appreciation. Some new mothers argue that the best way for him to show his appreciation is to tell them that he loves them and is proud of them, and others still argue that it’s what he does that counts – he should be attending to your every need while you are pregnant, and taking on the majority of chores to help you out once the baby is born.

Reading the different arguments reminded me of a discussion we had as part of our pre-marriage course a few years ago. (In Ireland you are required to complete a pre-marriage course if you want to be married in a Catholic ceremony. I complained bitterly about it at the time, but I realise now that I actually learned a few things from it!) During the course, the subject of love came up, and with that a discussion about how you should show love, or more importantly how each of us shows love and how we expect love to be shown to us. Some people let the ones they love know how much they love them by telling them all the time. Others show their love through the things they do for the one they love – whether that’s planning surprise romantic dinners or simply making a nice cup of tea! Others still think that the best way to show love is by buying your loved one something nice.

All of these can be valid expressions of love, but I think that the most important lesson we learned that day is that if you show love when you say “I love you”, you might not recognise that your partner is showing you love when he does the dishes so you come home to a clean kitchen. This can lead to great frustration in a relationship if one person isn’t comfortable saying “I love you” and the other thinks that unless you say it all the time, you obviously don’t feel it.

So what has this got to do with Push Presents? Well, everything! If you are the type who thinks that the best way to express love is to buy a gift, then it seems obvious that you would expect a gift in recognition of the birth of your first child. And if you think actions speak louder than words, then you might feel that all the presents in the world are worthless if your other half doesn’t do his fair share of the nappy changes after the new arrival!

And where do I stand on the issue of Push Presents? Much as I like sparkly diamonds, if you want to show me real love, then I’d like a sparkly clean bathroom. Because let’s face it, what greater love can you show than to scrub the toilet so that I don’t have to!!