Four Live attacks extended breastfeeding
Did any of you see Niamh from The Mama’s Hip blog being interviewed by Maura Derrane on Four Live on RTE 1 today? If you haven’t seen it already, you can watch it here on the RTE Player – Niamh is on at the very end. Be warned though, it’s not good viewing for blood pressure!
Niamh is currently breastfeeding her two sons, the elder of whom is 3.5 years old. Like many women, Niamh believes in child-led weaning – but it was clear from the interview that Maura Derrane didn’t understand – or care to understand – what that means. Her questions about what will happen when the child starts school and his friends make fun of him were clearly designed to provoke a response. And they ignored the fact that child-led weaning by its very nature means that if and when the child decides he wants to stop breastfeeding, he can and does.
Niamh has already penned an excellent reaction post to the entire interview, which is well worth a read: My reaction to my TV interview today. She has addressed the most glaring problems with the interview far better than I could – particularly the inaccurate quote from the HSE and La Leche League that Maura attempted to use to close out the interview.
I think the thing that bothered me most about the interview was that it illustrated a flaw in Irish society that has been obvious to me since I became a parent. So instead of ranting about the interview, I just want to take the opportunity to reflect on this instead: Where is the sense of “Live and Let Live” in Irish society when it comes to issues like this?
Why do topics like breastfeeding and formula feeding always have to be turned into an “us vs. them” debate? For some reason, many people seem unable to accept that different parents choose to parent differently. And just because someone has chosen a different approach to parenting to the one you have chosen does not mean that their way is wrong – or worse that they are implying your way is wrong! It’s just different. Their children are not your children. Their family’s needs are not your family’s needs. And what works for them may not work for you, and vice versa. I do not understand why it has to be one side against the other.
Breastfeeding a toddler is not something I have done, and I don’t think it would suit us and our family setup (but who knows – never say never, eh?). But that doesn’t mean that I sit in judgement on Niamh questioning why she isn’t doing things the same way I did them. I can respect that she and her family have found an approach that works for them. And the fact that it differs from my approach is no reflection on me, nor do I have to take it as a personal insult that she didn’t follow the same parenting path I did.
What do you think? Am I naive to think that if we could all just “Live and Let Live” when it comes to parenting approaches, this parenting lark would be a lot easier? 🙂
No I totally agree with you. You can only parent the way you want to parent and one of the most important things I had to learn was to trust my own judgement and detach from all the well meaning “advice” and comments I received. Im not a judgemental person anyway but it astounds me that when it comes to parenting some people think they know best and thats it. Live and let live is right 🙂
PS will have to watch the interview and read her response
I’ll be interested to hear what you think once you’ve had a chance to view it Tanya.
Thanks a million for your supportive post, Lisa. I had lots of the “live and let live” messages to get across, particulary among mothers,but she didn’t give me a chance. Mothers today seem to be in separate camps, and i think any mother should be applauded for her efforts, even if they are the last thing we’d consider doing. I was an easy target to be honest, as my lifestyle has so many “unusual” choices for Ireland today, whereas if I was in another culture, I’d fit right in. I’m glad it’s opened up the debate surrounding “extended breastfeeding”, and I’ve already heard from mothers who say they now feel inspired to continue longer than they’d previously thought. So some good has come out of it. Thanks again, and great blog btw!
Niamh
You’re welcome Niamh. Having read your post about the interview on your blog, it’s clear that you were ambushed, which is utterly unfair. Thank God you followed your instincts and kept your older son away from the whole thing!
By the way – have you ever read about breastfeeding in Mongolia? If not, be sure to check it out – makes for fascinating reading.
Couldn’t agree more, really well put. Â The interview was a disgrace and I am ashamed of, but unfortunately not surprised with RTE. :/
Thanks Deb. Yes you’re right – unfortunately it seems to be a common approach to discussing this topic among our national broadcasters.
Oh, God, so much so. Everyone seems to see somebody doing something else as an implied criticism of what *they* do. Especially if whatever the thing is is not the norm.
I never thought I’d be breastfeeding a toddler, or tandem nursing, or breastfeeding two children to four years each and beyond. But hey, whaddaya know. One of the reasons I blog about it is to try to normalize it so that those other people who find themselves doing the same know they’re not the only ones out there.
I loved the Mongolia piece, did I mention that before? Loved it!
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Me too! It’s one of my favourite ever articles about breastfeeding. It really brings home to me how much has been forgotten here, despite us thinking we know everything!! 😉